The most important consideration for divorcing couples is to limit the impact on their children. At the Law Office of David S. Bouschor, we understand that while children will be impacted, parents who choose to work together will be better parents to their children.
Here are some simple tips for good parenting during and after a divorce.
- Find places to get your feelings out away from your child. Use friends, therapists, a journal, or even pets as a place to get your feelings out. Exercise is also a healthy outlet for letting off steam.
- Never let your child see or feel your frustrations, hurt and anger. Your child is feeling many of those same things and needs to know that they can still count on their parent to be their emotional rock.
- Don’t use the kids to send messages to the other parent. Using a child puts them in the middle of your conflict with your spouse. Either call, text or email them yourself.
- Don’t make your child take sides. They should love both of their parents and not have to choose one over the other.
- Run your new relationship with your ex like a business. The business is raising your children. Treat them like a colleague or business acquaintance. Be cordial and respectful in all of your communications.
- Make a request instead of making statements or demands. Remember what your mother used to say about catching more flies with honey than with vinegar.
- Listening is one of the great skills to seek to master. You don’t have to agree, but seek to understand their point of view.
- Try not to overreact. Until your children are grown you will have to communicate in one way or another. Overreacting can either make future communications more difficult or create hot buttons that can be pushed by your ex at any time.
- Don’t sweat the little things. There will be plenty of important issues that you will need to discuss and will need to have the ability to focus on the critical needs of your child at that moment.
- Be prepared to compromise. “Win at all cost” is the worst approach to being a good parent. Your needs and the needs of your ex should always come after the needs of your child. Compromise creates an environment that puts the child’s needs first.
The Law Office of David S. Bouschor has created this list of some of the things you can do to be a good parent in the midst of one of the most difficult times of your life. Divorce is never easy. For children, it can be a time of great confusion and sadness. The real enemy is the “conflict” in the divorce, not your “ex” and certainly not your children. The goal of every parent should be to provide support and love to their children both during and after divorce.